A woman’s world

Growing up in a house filled with women was the best. In a child’s eye, I would view my sisters and mother as my treasure; and my father never treated us any less. He treated us like princesses and tried his hardest to prepare us for the world. But the world can be malicious and unkind to women. Look through my eyes and see that life as a woman is both rosy and thorny at the same time:

Expectations

Though the women in my household were self-driven and ambitious, a lot of backlash came to my parents. I remember the time that my grandmother from my father’s side came over to visit. Before she even greeted me, she said, “Ko iwe uchiri kutsvagei pamba pababa vako?”. That question stuck through my head throughout her entire visit. In her eyes, I was a waste of resources. I was supposed to have been married and with children by that age. And guess what? I was only 21. This is because women are expected to reach a certain level of education, settle down, have kids and know your place. But things have changed. People have forgotten to raise their children to be ambitious; to want to become more than they are. I am grateful that my parents did right by us and that my siblings and I chose to live a different route. There ain’t nothing wrong with wanting achieve much in your life; and there is nothing wrong either for wanting to settle down whenever you want. Life ain’t a race. You choose what you want to be and take your time moulding yourself. There ain’t nothing disappointing like a woman who lives a life that she doesn’t want to live spends the rest of her life regretting it

Societal beliefs

Society has been programmed to think that a woman has to act a certain way; live a certain way; have certain traits and so on. Just because I am a woman, I am not supposed to be chief or have a good leadership post. But as women, we have led so many already. For our children to be strong and powerful, we have nurtured and led them. Look at Mbuya Nehanda, Sally Mugabe and Mai Mujuru. Though most of you will argue that these were controversial but still they led. (Research on female revolutions). Women are strong and powerful and once we have set our minds on it; we make sure that we achieve it by all means. The sad part is that we have to work twice as hard to be taken seriously in society or to get the much deserved post at work.

 

Cultural Hullabaloo

 

Society is one thing but it seems like has made it worse or the woman to thrive. If a woman succeeds more than a woman, she is needs to quit and be submissive. If the woman gives birth to the girl child, she is cursed and her womb ain’t good enough. If a woman stands up for herself, she is being disrespectful and uncultured. It’s as if we have been set up to fail no matter what we do. But there is one thing I have learnt in this life. In order for you to thrive as a woman, sometimes you just have to say f%*# it, imma do me and imma do whatever it takes to be happy. Once you do that, be ready for the backlash that comes with that, coz a lot of people will have a lot to say, especially your relatives and family. The craziest shit I have heard is that a powerful woman or an ambitious woman can never get married or have a long lasting relationship. Well, excuse me brother but it ain’t my fault that your primitive mind cannot stand to have a powerful woman by your side. No woman has gone through ZIMSEC just to be a “yes sir” type of woman.

 

Abuse

This is really touchy because most women in Zimbabwe have been through it but few have had enough courage to walk away. Almost 80% of the women in Zimbabwe have gone through abuse; be it verbal, emotional, physical, mental and sexual abuse. Some have had it worse and gone through them all. Most of these have come from the hands of those we call our loved ones and because we are blinded by love or societal beliefs, we can’t seem to find the strength to walk away. This pains me so much that as I type this, I actually have tears in my eyes. I remember this woman who was part of my community. We’d hear her get beat by her husband every day. When we would try to butt in and help her, she’d tell us to buzz off. One day she opened up to her friend and told her that she had nowhere else to go. Her mother had told her that she had to be strong as a woman; that her husband was going through a phase and that she must have been doing something wrong for her husband to abuse her like this. So the woman had to stay. Unfortunately, one day the husband took it too far and beat her to her death. There are many situations like this across Africa but Zimbabwe has it worse. Be it in relationships or in marriages. If you are a person who’s going through this, there are many organizations that can help assist you. Don’t be a victim and rendered powerless by these monsters. Women Help Groups

Relationship blues

I don’t remember the number of times that guys have asked me out or broken up with me because of my anatomy. It’s crazy really. The first thing that a guy sees without saying a word to you is how you look and how you carry yourself. Before I realized my self-worth and gained confidence myself, I had guys who asked me out because I was nice to talk to. But there was always a catch with these guys. I would never get introduced to anyone, not their friends or their family. I was the girl in the shadows, who would give them the best intellectual talk of their lives and make them feel good about themselves. So, with time, I felt ugly and lost confidence in myself. I was the Designated Ugly Fat Girlfriend. After a lot of courage and soul searching, I grew confident and started loving me more. Then, guys started noticing my voluptuous curves. Guess what, I became the brainless bimbo to them. I looked good on their arms and in certain circles. Now I was the Designated Trophy Girlfriend. It sucks that most men have been designed to want the best of both worlds but in different women. Dear guys, times have changed. Women can be both brainy and beautiful. Takawanda shame, you don’t even have to look far lol.

 

Sex

I had to put this one last because it is the most controversial of them all. So, according to our tradition and culture, when a woman has sex before marriage, she is a whore and a total bitch. Some would even go further and say that when a woman is having sex before marriage, she has brought dishonour to her family. Like what the actual fuck! When a man does it, it’s normal and natural but when a woman does it, she’s a demon. Come on! It’s not like the man is screwing another man before marriage. He is screwing another woman. Have you thought of that? Women have the same needs as men, only with us, it’s more about passion. We also want to know what makes our bodies tick and what makes us go drip drip. Imagine getting married to a man who is terrible in the sack, but nekuti hauzive, you are just ok with having ok sex. Tjo, shoot me now! Lol! If a man wants to get married to a virgin, I think it’s only fair enough that he is a virgin as well. Zero body count for zero, don’t you think? Leave the experienced ones to play with the experienced one. Hatidi cross pollination ba!

Anyway, after all has been said and done, women have it tough but we also have it good as well. Before you become judge, jury and executioner, maybe you could try living in a woman’s world.